Wednesday Thoughts for Dads

January 25, 2012 in dads with 2 Comments

The last couple of weeks I’ve been writing a blog every Wednesday aimed at dads. This started simply as an early morning thought I had on a Wednesday where I was praying and reflecting on how I wanted to respond to my family when they woke up. It was a good morning of connecting with God while I drank coffee and watched the sun come up.

I am more than willing to admit here that being a dad isn’t always the easiest thing for me. I’m also not alone. The only way that I know how to get any better at this though is to be open and honest with other dads and work on encouraging each other.

So here’s a quick thought for today. I have been thinking a ton recently how I pray with my kids. In particular I think about the prayer time in the evening as they are being put to bed. I’m not happy with how I regularly do this.

I’m probably like a lot of parents in that at the end of the day I’m tired and often I’m just praying for my kids to go to sleep quickly. One thing I find myself doing though is being too short and lacking the proper care and posture as I pray with my kids.

I’m resolved this week (I’m not actually home this Wednesday as I’m at a conference) to be aware of how I am praying with my kids. I’m going to encourage you to do the same thing. Pick a night and mentally prepare yourself that you will be a nurturing and caring dad who’s goal is to have a great prayer time with your kids at bedtime. One thing you can/should do is just lay in bed with them for a bit and talk. Ask them about their day. Ask them what things they’d like to pray for that evening. When you do pray don’t rush through it. Lead through that time and encourage them to think about God and work on having it be not just a time where they are “asking” for things.

There you go. Try it out dads and let me know how it goes. I’ll be doing the same thing as you.

Princeton Forum on Youth Ministry #iym12

January 24, 2012 in PCUSA, Youth Ministry with 1 Comment

Several months ago I signed up to spend a few days at the Princeton Forum on Youth Ministry in Santa Barbara, CA.  This is the 4th forum I have attended and I really enjoy the conversations and presentations.  This is a different type of Youth Ministry event for a couple of reasons.  First,  there are only about 70 people here.  I love the smallness of this event especially as it contrasts to the big events that I am normally a part of.  It feels that this size makes for a healthy committee.  We are at a church not a huge conference center so we are in a close space together all day.   Secondly, I really appreciate the way they bring in different sorts of speakers who don’t always have much Youth Ministry backgrounds. Last night we heard from Marianne Meye Thompson who is a professor at Fuller Theological Seminary.  I took a number of classes from her at Fuller and she’s incredibly intelligent and gifted. Listening to her gave me some flashbacks that weren’t always good as one class I took was so hard.  She did a great job unpacking the concept of creation which helped us think about our theology of who God is.  Thirdly, there is a great opportunity to be engaged with those who are teaching/speaking.  That takes down the curtain between how we engage with the knowledge.

If you are reading this blog and you don’t know anything about this conference you are in luck because it happens twice a year and the next one is going to be in Princeton, NJ April 23-26.  I’m not on staff for them nor are they paying me to write this so you can hear me say this with a complete honesty. If you have any money left in your budget to go to this in April I think it’s worth it.

I’ll be honest and say that there are parts of this event that push me a little. The worship times are different from what I would choose to engage with. But, with that said I was completely challenged yesterday to rethink my paradigm of what I think “worship” is for me.  There was one part of the service involving masks and pantomime/drama. It was great and really made me think.

I guess the last thing I should say is that it’s nice to be at a conference where I don’t have anything to do. I’m not teaching, leading or really doing anything besides learning, writing and interacting with others.  It’s especially cool for me that I’m actually here with three people from my new church and I’m just getting to know them.

Sometimes Saying “Yes” also means Saying “No”

January 16, 2012 in Pastor, PCUSA with 5 Comments

A few of my friends have heard this story already and encouraged me to write it out as a testimony to how following God works.  This is less a story about me and more about what it looks like when you follow God’s call.

I announced a few days ago that I had accepted a call to a church in Washington State to be an Associate Pastor.  I couldn’t be more excited because this both a huge dream and a homecoming of sorts. The church I’m going to is one I love. I’ve been attending it for five years whenever I am in Washington and we have many friends who are members and in leadership there.  It’s a great and growing church and I’m so excited to be working with children and families.  I also am stoked to have my own kids grow up there in a beautiful place near my extended family and in a church I believe will care for them.

But, there is another side to this story.  I was actually interviewing at two churches at the same time and they both decided that I was the one they wanted to hire.  And truthfully the church I said no to was a church I really liked too.

It was a very different church.  The best way to describe it is to simply say they have huge hope for the present and the future and amazing people who are following God.  I believe without a doubt that they are right on the cusp of some major transformations and will make a huge difference in their area. I liked the pastor a ton and saw him as someone that I could be both friends with and mentored by.  He liked to use the phrase “dream bigger” which is one of my favorite things to do. I met really great people there who are active and hopeful and ready to follow some new vision.

This church is only a few miles from where my wife grew up and sat adjacent to the local Middle and Elementary schools. It is in a great place to reach new families.

The kicker in all of this is that this church also offered us housing and our kids would have been going to some of the top schools in California.  If you know my current living situation you know we live in a church home now and our kids go to great schools.  This was a huge blessing.

About a year ago when we knew that I would be ordainable soon and beginning the search process the two biggest concerns that I had were for housing and schools. In fact, I prayed over and over that God would help solve this problem.  It was anxiety causing for me.  So when a church offered me a job and told me those two things were taken care of I immediately thanked God.  But, the more we prayed and consulted friends the more we realized that we felt called to the church in Washington.  Honestly it really wasn’t even a question because God made it so clear. But accepting that call would mean we didn’t have housing and didn’t know where our kids would go to school. It meant that we were going to have to trust the LORD to provide.

As Danielle and I talked about it we both felt like accepting the job with housing and schools taken care of was the worlds “expectation.”  But we asked ourselves what kind of faith did we want to model for our kids.  Did we want to model a faith that was about truly following God and stepping out trusting that he would take care of us? Or, did we want to take the easy way out and take a call we didn’t feel was right just to have our immediate needs met.

I heard a story once in a sermon about a guy sitting on his rooftop in the middle of a flood and he prayed that God would save him.  People kept coming by on boats and he wouldn’t get in. Finally he drowned and in Heaven asked God why he didn’t save him. God said “I kept sending boats what more did you want?”

As I prayed more and more about this decision I just had a sense that this wasn’t the case for us. While I did feel that God had met the need I expressed for housing and schools I realized that was the wrong thing to be praying for.  Instead I needed to pray that I would have the faith to follow God where the call led and that I would believe that he would take care of our needs.

So that’s what we did. We accepted a call that God made very clear.  In doing so we said no to a church that was also great but just wasn’t the right fit.  I feel like we are modeling the right thing to our kids that stepping out in faith is the way we are going to live our lives.  I’ll be the first to admit that I’m nervous and even a bit anxious wondering about where we will live and how we can afford anything.  I have my moments where I allow worry to creep in. But, I believe with all my heart that we did what we were supposed to do in this call process and that we are going to continue to allow God to lead us.

If anyone in the PCUSA world who is ordainable and would like to know more about this great church Click Here. The official Title is Associate Pastor of Young Families and I believe they have unlimited potential and amazing resources to do great things.  I’m a huge fan of the people I met there and would love to talk to you about them if you are interested.

 

Dads: Another quick Wednesday thought

January 11, 2012 in dads, family, Who I am... with 1 Comment

Ok so here’s a simple idea that might actually have huge dividends in your house.   LEARN TO COOK!!!

Before you either tell me you know how to grill or laugh it off and say you have no time let me just make a quick case for this.

Many of us in our parenting and family interactions have the tendency to fall into some pretty serious ruts.  We tend to do the same things day after day and fall in the same patterns over and over again.  You probably have heard the definition of insanity which is to do the same thing over and over again just hoping finally to achieve different results.  I guess I’m here to burst your bubble. It won’t work if you don’t make some changes.

Here’s a little bit more ammo for my case pointing out my own life:

We have three kids. Danielle and I both work. I work full-time at my church and she is a substitute teacher in the local school district.  I have a very flexible schedule and I also work across the street from where we live.  Danielle has increasingly been called upon to sub more and more as teachers have realized how amazing she is at it.  We don’t have particularly busy lives as we have limited the number of activities our kids do but we still often have that post-school pre-bedtime exhaustion time.

Danielle is a great cook. She does amazing things with food and  is constantly finding new and interesting things for us to try.  I’m very grateful for her.

One thing I have been trying to do more and more lately is to step in and help figure out dinner times.  I already make breakfast for the family almost every morning but this dinner thing is something new.  I realized that I had the time and the flexibility to make things happen so I started out being a little creative. I recognize that many of you dads don’t have the same type of schedule I do but you can be creative and try to make something work. What if you snuck home at lunch and set up the crockpot and get a meal ready to go and left a note for your wife saying surprise.

Truth:  I’m currently in love with our crock pot. In the last week I have made: a whole chicken which I followed up the next day with chicken noodle soup. Chili which is so easy pretty much just  pouring things into the crockpot and browning meat. I also did a full pork shoulder for BBq sandwiches. Tonight I’m making another chicken. Tomorrow we are having salmon and on Friday night I’ll bbq steaks.  I pretty much learn most of my recipes from google or Danielle will just e-mail something to me.

Here’s some of the benefits to doing this.

1. It shows my wife that I love and care for her by recognizing the work she’s doing outside the home by stepping in to help more.

2. It gives us another place to partner and I actually enjoyed menu planning with her last Sunday

3. It saves us money so we aren’t tempted to go out to eat when there is already a meal ready to go at home.

4. It gives us a lot of leftovers which we can use on nights when things get a little hectic.

5. it breaks us free from any patterns of expectations and roles and allows us to continue to reinvent how our family system works.

6. It helps me to recognize the amount of work it takes to keep our family fed and gives me a great appreciation for all Danielle does.

7. It’s a way that I can serve my wife and show her how valuable she is to me.

I write these Wednesday posts mostly as a reminder to myself but also as an encouragement to any dads who might read them.  I don’t have everything figured out in life and I’ll fully admit that I’m not always a great husband or dad. But, I’m pretty convinced that if enough of us men read this and try to put some of these thoughts into practice that we will make significant change in our family systems and marriage.  All of us need to constantly be aware of the ruts and patterns we fall into and work hard to break free from those systems and create new ones that will bless our families.

My Life Update Part 2: We’re heading to Bellevue

January 9, 2012 in PCUSA, Uncategorized, Who I am... with 9 Comments

I’m excited to announce that we are moving to Washington State where I just accepted a job to be the Associate Pastor of Children and Family Ministry at First Presbyterian Church of Bellevue.  If you know us Presbyterians you know there are still a couple of steps that need to happen before it’s fully official. In two weeks we will fly up there for the congregational vote and hopefully soon after that I will be examined on the floor of the Seattle Presbytery and be approved to be ordained.

Since many of you have walked this journey with me I thought I’d unpack a little bit of it for you so you can see why we believe without a doubt that this is clearly the call God has directed us to.

First,  I should tell you that I consider First Pres Bellevue to be my home church in Washington state. Every time I am back there this is where I attend worship. It’s really fun knowing that I have been following along with the life of this church for the last 5+ years so I feel like I really know it’s values and vision well.

Second, we have a number of friends there. I have college roommates and friends from Seattle Pacific University, and my wife has a great friend  that she graduated high school with in Southern California.  For both of us to have dear friends already there we feel God’s hand in this call.  We are really looking forward to building a strong community group for our family and we feel we already have a head start.

Third, some of you might be wondering if I’m leaving “youth ministry.” The truth is I’m actually not.  In my current role in Texas I spend a lot of time working with 5-6th graders who are in our “youth” ministry. At FPCB those two grades are in the children’s department so I’ll get to spend just as much time with them.  Also, I have felt a big pull in recent years to be more involved with parents and the overall family.  FPCB is starting a “Sticky Faith” cohort with Fuller Seminary this winter. I led my church in  Dallas through that process and loved it. One thing that sticky faith encourages is for us to diminish the lines between various ministries in the church. I plan on having a lot of impact and interaction with parents of all ages of kids as well as staying engaged with students after they graduate from 6th grade.

Fourth, I have loved my time here in Dallas. Working at Highland Park Presbyterian Church will always be an amazing memory for me.  The students, parents, church staff and youth ministry team have been incredible. Living across the street from the church, close to the schools and in a wonderful small community is something we will always cherish. Our kids have been so blessed by this place and community. It will be hard to leave so many great friends.  I’m looking forward to continuing to see the great  things that HPPC will do in the future.

Fifth, I feel called back to the Northwest.  I left Washington the day after I graduated from college 18 years ago.  Over the years I have taken teams of students to work in Seattle almost every year. I do everything I can to get back there as much as possible. The best way I can explain this call is to say I feel like even after being gone so long I still “get” the mindset and life of most northwesterners. I love the prospect of reaching out to new families and being able to interact with them as a native and not a transplant as I have done in every other place I have done ministry. We are so excited to start a life for our family on the Eastside.

We are planning on waiting until after the school year before moving our family to Bellevue.  That gives me a nice long and healthy transition.  I plan on being up in the Northwest a number of times to start getting the ball rolling on some things and building relationships with the amazing staff.

As a part of this decision process we had a great group of friends come over and pray with and for us.  The confirmed this was the right call.  I also hold tightly to my life verse Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Because this call feels so right I know God is going to take care of us.  But, because I also believe in prayer I have just a couple of things I’d love you to pray about with us.

A couple things we could use prayer for: 

Housing- We currently live in a church house which has been amazing. We need to find a great solution where we can stay for many years. We are not sure if we will be able to purchase or if we will lease. Prayers over this are greatly appreciated as this is the one area that makes me anxious.

Schools-  This goes along with housing. Our kids have been blessed with amazing schools. We know all the schools on the Eastside are great and are just looking for the perfect place that our kids can feel at home.  It’s our goal to not move again while our kids are in school so this a 12 year commitment.

Car-  If you know me you know that I have a pretty great old car. I drive a 1974 VW Thing.  It’s a great car when you live across the street from church and your entire family goes to school and works within a 1/2 mile. It’s also a fun car when it’s sunny out.  It’s not a very good rain car.  I’m in the process of deciding if the THING will end up in Washington. If she doesn’t come with us (or really if she does too) I’ll need to find another car.  On a super positive note though our other car is a pretty new explorer with 4 wheel drive so bring on the snow.  :)

 

The Most Encouraging Place in my life isn’t always my church

January 6, 2012 in crossfit with 0 Comments

Ok so I want to post a quick disclaimer. I love my church. I am very encouraged there and I am a huge fan of the staff, congregation and everything else that happens.  It’s a great place and a whole bunch of my spiritual needs get met there. But, I realized the other day there was another place that actually was doing a really good job encouraging and caring for me so I thought I’d highlight it.

Here’s questions and statements that I’ve heard recently:

It’s really good to see you today.

You have been super consistent I’m proud of you.

I can tell you are getting better. Your work is paying off.

We missed you this week. Everything ok in your life?

Tell me what’s going on with your future and job?

You can do it  just keep trying?

Don’t give up you have come so far.

How’s your family everyone doing ok?

Is there anything I can do that would help you?

I just want to affirm to you that I have seen how you have changed and I’m really impressed.

I’m glad we can push each other to grow.

How are you feeling?

I’m sure you can probably guess that I’m talking about my gym . Just about a year ago I was doing the same old boring workouts at mega gym and I happened to check in at the place on Facebook one day (if you can use your phone at the gym you probably aren’t working out very hard.)  Well a mom from my church messaged me and told me I should check out her sons gym called Crossfit Dallas Central.  They were super generous to me and provided a way for me to get started at “the box” (that’s what crossfitters call their gyms.)

If you want to know more about Crossfit just click this link.  The best way I know how to explain it is that it is a workout committed to full body exercise and creating an athlete that is “functional” in many settings.  So most crossfitters can do most things pretty well. Imagine if you were a firefighter and needed to be in shape to handle a number of different scenarios. That’s what crossfit does. it prepares you to be able to step into most situations and be fit and ready.

It also happens to be one of the most encouraging places that I have ever been.  Each day I go to the gym the coaches and other athletes really encourage me. It’s a community like I’ve never been a part of before. Everyone is progressing and pushing each other to progress.  Just two days ago I was dying in the middle of  a workout and someone I didn’t even know started encouraging me from the middle of their own workout.  The coaches are a big part of the gym and they set the tone for the atmosphere. I told one of the lead coaches a while back that he has the absolute skill set to be a pastor if he wanted.  I don’t even know him super well but he always comes over and talks to me and asks me how my life is and is really stoked when I tell him the great things that are going on. He also recognizes my need to be pushed and he’s more than willing to call me out when I’m not reaching my potential.

I’ve needed this type of community for a long time.  I get a lot of great support, encouragement and care at my church but I wanted a place where I could be more in the lives of people and not just in Christian Church subculture.  I get that at crossfit.  I generally don’t tell people what I do and just have a good time interacting with them. But it often comes up and then we talk about the Church and my role and they often ask me questions about questions that I’m assuming they have no one else to ask.

You can probably guess too that since we are moving this year I’m mourning the loss of this community.  I’ve already started looking for a new box to workout at.  So I guess this is another hint about where we are heading in June.

 

Winter: The Toughest Season in Youth Ministry

January 5, 2012 in Youth Ministry with 1 Comment

I think the months of January through March are probably the most difficult season for most youth ministries.  I’m not sure all the reasons for it but I’m assuming that in part it’s because the “newness” of fall ministry is over. Friendship patterns are set and life for many students has settled into a pretty standard routine.  As the school year progresses there is often more work and much of it seems to happen right as the semester is ending in January. For many students depending on how they did the first semester they may have to start some new habits (or have them given to them by parents) which forces them often to make choices which sometimes leaves the youth ministry out of their lives.  Depending on your region weather can have a big impact on the youth ministry. If you don’t have a good facility and you are forced to move everything inside it can really kill any of your groups momentum.

I think too there are often not a lot of things for students to look forward to during this season. It’s the time where they are just “holding on” trying to make it to spring break, warmer weather and/or the hope of the coming summer.

But, I think there are some things we can do during this season that could help our ministries.  We don’t have to go into hibernation mode for these months. There are things that could bring a spark or create some new connection points for students that may help them and your ministry continue to thrive during these bleak months. I’m going to just list out a few below with a couple comments. This is by no means a definitive list. It’s just a few things I think about.

1. Winter Camp-  One thing I’ve done at every church I’ve worked at (except my current church because we do it in Dec) is to have a February winter camp experience. This gives the students something to look forward too, connects them with each other in the middle of the winter months and kickstarts your ministry. Depending on the camp and it’s program you may end up with a bunch of students who have recommitted to their faith (something I’m actually a huge fan of) and they may come back the next week with a new energy and excitement.

2. Mix Up Small groups-  If you do small groups this may be a good season to try something new. Instead of just meeting as the same small group you did in the fall what if you partnered up with another group for a few times in the winter. Maybe even connect the genders and do some studies. You might find that knowing that their group would be different for a season might actually draw students to come back.  And maybe have the small groups host some fun activities too. A 20 week series on the book of Revelation can get pretty tedious in the winter.  (by tedious I mean monotonous and borring)

3. Try a new event-  One thing I’m actually a fan of is trying something new. Just set it up well so that you won’t lose any money if a lot of students don’t come.  You can use the fall to get to know your new students and see what they like to do and then throw an event or activity in the winter that you know would be something they would do.

4. Encourage Community- Just yesterday I ran into a couple of students just “hanging out” at Starbucks. Maybe during this season students in your group don’t want big events but want to be with each other doing nothing. What if you bought some Starbucks cards for leaders (or even for student leaders) and encouraged them to all meet at a coffee shop for an afternoon. See what type of community could happen.

5. Focus on Service-  After just coming through the Holiday Season most students will recognize they were lucky and blessed to have the families and resource they do.  You can use this to help shift their awareness off of themselves and towards helping them have a heart for others.  One thing we have done during the winter season is the 30 hour famine.  It’s a great program that can help your students look beyond themselves and actually make a difference.

6. Bring in guest speakers-  If you are typically the main teacher at Sunday School or Youth Group they have now heard you speak a lot since September. Maybe mix things up and have some different leadership.  One thing that would be cool is if you spent some time mentoring and working with some of your student leaders in the spring and have them teach in the winter.  I imagine that there would be some great draw for their friends if they know one of their own was sharing that morning or evening.

7. Be Creative-  I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t like it when things become to routine. If I know Sunday School is going to be the same thing week after week then I know if I miss a week I didn’t really miss anything.  I’m a big fan of trying new things and surprising students. One thing we talked about a lot on my leadership team this last year was what kind of effort are we putting into the programs.  Not that “programs” will make all the difference but I think students pick up on our excitement and effort and what we model.

8. Look Ahead-  One thing we have always done is to get our posters, flyers for spring break or summer events, trips and activities up during the winter.  Having all of these things on the walls to look forward too can sometimes really help some students who are feeling the winter blues. I’ll be the first to admit that I need something to look forward that I can think about, talk about and be preparing for.

That’s it. Just a few tips and ideas. Hope some of them work for you.  If you have some other things that you do during the winter months I’d love to hear about them. Just respond in the

 

Dads: A quick Wednesday reminder for you (and me.)

January 4, 2012 in family with 0 Comments

Every once in a while I hear this sentence at my house directed towards me “If people at church could see you now”  it’s never said during a positive interaction and it always stings a lot.

I got up early this morning and was reflecting on that statement a little and I realized that the truth is my family is a part of the church and when I’m impatient, thoughtless or not careful with my words that my church is actually seeing it.

Danielle and I have been reading through the book Love and War: Finding Your Way to Something Beautiful in Your Marriage by John & Stasi Eldredge.  It’s a great marriage book because it doesn’t pull any punches. They both talk about their struggles and issues and they talk a lot about how each other frustrates them at times.   What I really appreciate about the book is their honesty with their own issues. We’ve had some good talks about our own stuff and I’m hoping that the further we get into it (we finished chapter 3) the more it’ll encourage us to share and unpack ourselves with each other.

When our marriage is strongest we are fully recognizing each others issues and making sure we are both being supportive and also encouraging of each other.

So here’s the quick reminder:  Today I prayed that I would be a caring, supportive and encouraging dad during the breakfast and off to school time.  I make breakfast for the kids and do carpool every morning. At times the morning routine can be a bit frantic and my issues of impatience and frustration can come out. It wasn’t a perfect morning but it was pretty good. I am resolved to keep working on being the stabilizer, encourager, comforter and support. I want to work on choosing all my words with care and show my kids and wife that I love them. My encouragement to other dads is to work through this with me.

And just in case you were wondering no I didn’t have a blow up with the family recently. I haven’t heard the words in my first sentence in quite a while. I just was thinking about being a dad today and thought I’d encourage some of you who are to join me in making sure we show our families we care.

A Season of Change

January 3, 2012 in Pastor, PCUSA with 5 Comments

A while back I posted that I was ordainable and looking for an associate pastor role in my denomination the PCUSA.  Well I’m pretty stoked to announce that last night I accepted a position.   This ended up being an easy and difficult process for us.  It was easy because we felt very called to the church we are going to but it was difficult because it also meant saying no to a church that we had really enjoyed spending some time with.

I’m not going to name the church we are going to just yet because there are still a few steps to go through in the ordination process.  Right now I am planning on staying at my current church until the school year finishes and then packing up our lives and moving.   My family is all very excited and we couldn’t be more stoked for the role that I will be moving into at this new church. It’s a new season of ministry and I’m looking forward to how God uses it.

Last night we gathered some special friends around us in Dallas and let them know all about the churches we were interacting with.  I shared all the pro’s and con’s as well as any concerns or hopes we had. Our whole community of friends confirmed for Danielle and I that we were making the right decision to follow God’s call. We then had an amazing time of prayer with our friends.  It just felt like the right way to do things.

So here’s a hint.  We are heading back to my roots.

HappyVacation

December 27, 2011 in family with 0 Comments

Spending the last few and the next couple days on vacation in San Diego. Love our family and friends here. It’s a good season. Planning on announcing our future life and job plans on the blog here soon. We’ve got a couple options/calls and are praying for discernment and wisdom. God is making a lot of things clear for us and it’s a fun season to follow him. I’d love it if you would consider praying for us. We are making what I call a 12 year commitment as we don’t want to move out kids while they are in school again. As usual I’m holding onto this verse. “Have I not commanded you. Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged. Because the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go”. – Joshua 1:9
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