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Part 8: It's not about you

Ok people can we finally admit that the days of the superhero celebrity youth pastor are finally over.  The way ministry was done in the 70's-90's was great and it worked because those were the times that large rally's and "big" celebrity driven youth events were all the rage.  But, those things don't happen anymore and if they do it's usually a specific denominational or event that has withstood the test of time.

Here's the best way I can explain how culturally this shift has happened.  It used to be when I was growing up that when a particular band came out with an album that everyone I knew would go buy it and that's all we would listen to for weeks.  That was back when our only access to music was via radio or stuff we bought.  So big bands became hugely popular and sold a ton of records.  Now days the music industry has been in decline for a long time.  Music is easy to find online, everyone has many different preferences and it seems to be the smaller bands that have specific genres and targeted audiences are doing the bet. 

I connect these two things together simple by saying that as musical genres have exploded and students listen to a ton of different music they are increasingly pulled into smaller and smaller groups.  The superstar youth pastor just can't connect with all the varied tastes and needs of all the students anymore.

So this post is simply about volunteers.  It's been proven time and time again that successful youth ministries are ministries full of volunteers.  I want to go on record and also say that creating a youth ministry that has many volunteers loving and leading students is tough.  It's not an easy task to find volunteers, it's not easy to train them and it's tough to let them do the things that you as the youth pastor used to do all the time.  But, if you want a successful ministry that's not about you you have to move in that direction.

Part 1: Parents are your best friends or worst enemies.
Part 2: You won't like every kid and every kid won't like you.
Part 3: Perceived vs. Real Needs.
Part 4: Learn to say you are sorry.
Part 5: Better Safe than Sued
Part 6: Find friends outside of youth ministry.

Part 7: Stick to it
Part 8: It's not about you
Part 9: What you feed grows. What you starve Dies.
Part 10: Have a life outside of ministry.  Marriage/family/relationships.
Part 11: Fall in Love with God again.

30-Minute Worship on the freeway

I'll get back to the youth ministry posts tomorrow.  I saw a sign on the freeway yesterday somewhere between Austin and Dallas.  The church had a huge sign out front that said 30-minute worship.  I'm still not sure what I think about it.  On one hand I'm saddened that the church seems to be advocating that worship can be shrunk to such a small time frame.  On the other hand I'm thinking that particular church must have figured out that works for their community and they are adapting to meet the needs. 

Part 7: Stick to it

Sometimes I look back on my career in youth ministry and wonder why I've worked at 4 churches. The reality is when I write this post I feel a little guilty because it might seem from my resume that I'm saying something I don't believe in.

I think I can simplify this though by simply explaining my journey and saying that I really have only made one decision to leave a church and go and work elsewhere and that switch didn't work out which made me have to make another one.

My first church Lake Avenue Church gave me an opportunity to intern while I worked full-time as a teacher and went to Fuller Seminary when they asked me to work Full-Time in the youth ministry is was in an interim position where I knew that in a year I would have to find another job. This was a transitional position between the teaching world and the church world.

I served at Bel Air Presbyterian Church for 6 years. This is the church where I grew up as a youth pastor and had some of my best times. I really learned how to be a leader and still consider this to be my home church. The one transition I spoke of earlier was when Danielle and I decided we didn't want to raise our family in Los Angeles and made the decision to leave Bel Air and go to San Diego.

My third church North Coast Calvary Chapel just wasn't a good fit. They knew it and I knew it right away. I was not the person they should have hired. We tried it for just over 2 years and ultimately it was clear that it wasn't the right place for us to do ministry. I love that church, the pastors and the community but it was clear to me that God used me more effectively in the structure of the PCUSA.

The Church I am at now is what I would consider a gift from God. Highland Park Presbyterian Church is a great fit and a place that we see ourselves staying for a long time. I am blessed by my youth staff, the church staff as well as the community. It's a long ways from our family, friends and the beach but so many great opportunities.

So how does "Stick with it" work in my life. It's pretty simple I have several students and families that I have done ministry with for many years. They are mostly all from my church in Los Angeles and I love them, talk to them regularly and visit with them whenever I can. For me "Stick with it" also means that the staff I have worked with at every church are still my friends and we're still doing ministry together just in different locations. "Stick with it" means that I have made the decision that Youth Ministry is what I want to do, it's what I'm called to do and it's what I'm good at doing. It means that every day I wake up wondering how God is going to keep using me to reach students, families, leaders and other churches. It means that as I've gotten older and no longer think "lock-ins" are good ideas that I have transitioned into roles that are different but still important and in youth ministry.

So even though I've had a few places of work I'm still sticking with it. I like to think of it this way. Any student who was ever in any of my youth groups could call me today and could see that I'm still basically doing the same things I've been doing for the last 15 years. I'm still a Youth Guy. I'm still working to make sure all students know that God loves them and that whenever they come back, call, e-mail or text the message stays the same. God loves them and so do I.

Part 1: Parents are your best friends or worst enemies.
Part 2: You won't like every kid and every kid won't like you.
Part 3: Perceived vs. Real Needs.
Part 4: Learn to say you are sorry.
Part 5: Better Safe than Sued
Part 6: Find friends outside of youth ministry.
Part 8: It's not about you
Part 9: What you feed grows. What you starve Dies.
Part 10: Have a life outside of ministry. Marriage/family/relationships.
Part 11: Fall in Love with God again.

Funny Connection

This morning is starting off slow sort of. I dropped off my car to get the AC checked and a tune up before our big drive to California next week. From there I walked over to Cafe Brazil for some coffee. After sitting and working for a while the waitress came up and asked me if I attend the The Village Church because she thought she recognized me from there. We talked about My church for a bit and thought possible she recognizes me just because I come in here a lot.

After a bit though we talked a little more and it turned out she's actually from California and grew up in Covina and attended Biola before moving here to Texas. On another funny note she attended summer camp at Forest Home where I worked for many years.

On a more weird coincidence one of our churches summer interns also waits tables here at Cafe Brazil and Aleise just told me that Kimi is trying to get her to come to the college Bible study on Thursdays.

Funny how God works connections.

Part 6: Find friends outside of youth ministry.

A while back I realized that a majority of the people I hung out with were 16. It wasn't all bad though as they were the guys in my small group and I loved being with them. But, there was a negative side to it as I didn't really have a good core group of guys who helped me grow.

There was a time that I met with Jeff, Tim and Scott almost every Tuesday night. I lived in Los Angeles and would meet Jeff in Glendora and we would meet to hang with Tim and Scott in Redlands. For me it meant a small group night where I was committing to drive about 80 miles each way to be with these guys. Jeff and I met and for about an hour would talk about what was happening in our ministries and our marriages (or his engagement) and then we'd meet up with the guys and rock climb for a while and then go eat. Although the night involved more driving then talking it was important to me because they were guys that knew me well and were my friends.

Youth ministry is sometimes a scary place where we hang out with students all the time and only have relationships with other leaders and people who do the same things as us. I can't even count the number of times I've hung out with my "church youth ministry friends" where we've spent to much time talking about church, youth and ministry and not about real life.

Texas is tough for me because the majority of my friends in the Park Cities are people who work at the church and are involved in youth ministry (Youth, college or young adult). Its something I'm aware of but at the same time scary to realize that as a 38 year old man who just moved to Texas it's hard to find friends outside of what I do.

Working on it.

Part 1: Parents are your best friends or worst enemies.
Part 2: You won't like every kid and every kid won't like you.
Part 3: Perceived vs. Real Needs.
Part 4: Learn to say you are sorry.
Part 5: Better Safe than Sued

Part 5: Better Safe than Sued.

Years ago I used to have my youth staff read the book Better Safe than Sued I should probably restart that practice as I now have a much larger staff. This issue is what I consider one of my bigger peeves in ministry. We've all heard stories about Youth Pastors doing incredibly stupid things with students. I've personally heard/seen students riding on the tops of cars, being drug behind boats, jumping over fire and even having pumpkins thrown down a hill at them Thanks Don

Over the years I have done a ton of fun stuff with students but I've also pretty much always taken the high road when it comes to safety. The Executive Pastor at Bel Air Pres always said about me that he never once questioned if I would make a safe decision with students because I'd proven time and time again that I would always make the right choice when it came to safety.

This doesn't mean we didn't have a ton of fun. We rafted, rock climbed, snowboarded, caved/spelunked and a ton of other great stuff but we always did these activities with the right boundaries and safety measures in place.

I hate to use the age card but I'll use it here. It's usually people who are younger that do a lot of not smart things in youth ministry. My goal with my current youth staff is to help them always make the right decisions. Because.....who wants to get sued?

Part 1. Parents can either be your best friends or worst enemies.
Part 2. You won't like every kid and every kid won't like you.
Part 3. Perceived vs. Real Needs.
Part 4. Learn to Say you are sorry.

Part 4: Learn to say you are sorry.

This last week I met with a group of guys and we talked about pride. The main issue that came up in this conversation was the inability of most men was to admit that they didn't know what they were doing and ask for help. I shared with this group that I have struggled with wanting people to think I had it all together and that my life was figured out. I shared that my first bunch of years in ministry I felt like there was this rule that I had to seem in control with the answers to everything.

In the past couple of years though I feel like I've really had to work through this issue and it's been a great thing. I learned the hard way that being vulnerable is a helpful skill for a pastor to learn. I had a couple situations happen with leaders, students, parents and even family where I had to step up and apologize for the way I had handled things. I had to be vulnerable which was difficult because it made me have to admit I didn't know what I was doing.

As I write this post I'm convicted that I haven't always asked for forgiveness and there are a few situations that I want to go back into and ask for some forgiveness.

Part 1. Parents can either be your best friends or worst enemies.
Part 2. You won't like every kid and every kid won't like you.
Part 3. Perceived vs. Real Needs.

Will get back to the Youth Ministry stuff tomorrow. This was too good.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love Craigslist I've bought, sold and traded a ton of stuff on it. Well today I may have found the ultimate deal. I think I'm going to do it so if you don't hear from me in a while check out memories from the past I may be in them

Will get back to this on Tuesday

I'll be posting again on Tuesday. Today was a bit nuts as we started VBS and had a busy day. One a side note as a youth staff we watched the move Soul Searching today which is one of the best Christian documentaries I've ever seen. It's about Teenagers and Faith and how it plays out in the US. I recommend it to anyone working with teenagers or who have them.

Part 3: Perceived vs. Real Needs

There are three major constituents you have to ask about what the purpose of any youth ministry is. First you ask the students who are in it, Second you ask the parents, Third you ask the church leadership. More often than not you will get different answers from each group. Students might say fun, friends and great activities. Parents will probably say safety, Jesus and good friends. The church depending on where you are at will have a variety of definitions of a "good" youth ministry all the way from "babysitting" and "keeping the kids occupied" to "drawing in parents." The main similarity in all these ideas though is that most of them are "felt needs".

Probably the best way to look at any youth ministry is exactly what Don thought when he put together this list. Ultimately what we really want to have happen in any youth ministry is to graduate students who love Jesus and are prepared to make the transition to their faith being something that leads/directs their lives during their 20's. We want them to know how to find a church, why it is important and how to make their faith something more than just a pizza party and a camp.

Don hits it on the head though when he says that perceived needs get them in the door. Any good youth ministry is aware of the felt needs of students and parents and works to meet those needs. That's why we offer safe fun activities that students would want o invite their friends too. It's why we have camps, missions projects and Core group. Ultimately though these things are just ways of connecting with students as we hope that they draw closer to Jesus.

Part 1. Parents can either be your best friends or worst enemies.
Part 2. You won't like every kid and every kid won't like you.