YM part 1: Parents are your best friends or worst enemies.

I thought I'd take some time and unpack some of the ideas in the last post. My good friend Don started out his list with the statement that "Parents are your best friends or worst enemies." I've seen this one played out badly too many times in ministry. In quite a few unhealthy youth ministry situations there seems to be an "us against them mentality" that tends to be perpetuated by youth workers who haven't figured out how to partner with parents yet.

In my case I have lived through both scenarios over the years. I've had some amazing relationships with parents who were huge supporters of the ministry. I've also had a number of parents who have gotten more frustrated with me than I thought was possible.

Here's two stories:

Good Story: One of my favorite families of all time was at my church in Los Angeles. The family had 4 kids that eventually came through the youth ministry. My relationship with the parents was very good. We had guys small group in their dining room for about 2 years. When I got to the house each Wednesday I made sure to go and talk to the parents and make sure they knew that I was interested in them and in their family as a whole and not just their kids. My friendship with their family was huge for me especially as some tough issues came up at the church. They were very supportive of me, my family and came to my graduation of Seminary. They have remained great role models for our family as we continually look to them to see how to raise our kids.

Bad Story: One family that I thought I had a good relationship with ended pretty badly as communication broke down between us after a big trip that I took two of their daughters on. Part of it was my fault and I own that but there was a part of the responsibility of their daughters that they didn't own. They were so mad about a situation that happened on a trip where I didn't stop their daughter from getting in her car and driving home. We couldn't work through the problem and they ended up being a huge thorn in my side while I remained at the church.

My suggestion to Youth Workers is to never do ministry without partnering with parents. Know their names. be in their homes, be involved i their family.

My suggestions to Parents. Be involved in the life of the youth worker. Let them be real people though and don't put them on a pedestal. Don't turn them into a superhero. Just let them be who they are and love them as they help you lead your kids closer to Christ. Don't outsource your responsibility as a Christian parent to a youth worker. There jobs are to walk along side you not to take your role.