I’m scared to go for
three reasons:
First, I have mentioned this to a few people and have got a
few negative responses. Everything
from the “Haiti doesn’t need you they need money” comments to the “If you go
we’re not committing a team right? ” to the “what do you have to offer?” I should admit that I struggle with
insecurities sometimes and these comments were hard to hear. But, I also know that at their heart
the people who shared these things love the Lord and really want to serve the
kingdom. I haven’t tried to
verbalize my response to these comments yet because I’m still working all this
out for myself.
The second reason I’m scared to go is that it meant some
serious rearranging of my schedule and potentially disappointing some
people. I have been accused
before of being involved in to many things and this fall was particularly
busy. This winter I had only a few
things on my plate outside of my normal job but they were important
things. In one case I was leading
a team of people to an event and I had to replace myself and apologize both to
the place we were going and the people that I was taking. I’ve turned down at least two big
things I’ve been invited too this winter in an attempt to not be gone as much. It took some juggling but I have made it
all work.
The third reason I’m scared to go is totally personal. I’m scared that I won’t feel enough
compassion. This is a scary thing
to admit here on the blog but I feel like I need to be transparent. I struggle with compassion. I struggle with not being emotional
enough and I often times can come across as cold and not caring. Probably should say that this is an
area that I’m totally focusing on and trying to figure out in my life too. In February I was already starting a 4 month
long part-time internship as a hospital Chaplain at a hospital here in
Dallas. I’m doing it at the
blessing of my Church and denomination.
It’s part of the ordination process but also something that I have been
wanting to do for a long time. My
prayer is that what I learn in this area will greatly impact what God can do
with me in the future.
The team I was asked to be a part of will be going down and
serving. The Goal of the trip is
to deliver food and water and other supplies those in need in Haiti. Also, to motivate and activate
thousands of Christian teenagers and young adults to come to Haiti in
2010. Several of us were asked to
go and the organization we are partnering with has been involved in Haiti for a
long time and has a very specific plan and a huge history in helping in these
types of situations.
I’ll give more details soon about all of this. I will just ask at the end that you would pray for me, for our team and for the country of Haiti. There will obviously be needs for years and years.
