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Being Fully Present is Tough for me.

“With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

 This season of life I'm in is all about figuring out what it means to be "Present."   This is something I've struggled with for a long time.  I've always dealt with a lot of insecurities and my go to problem solving technique has often been to try and avoid problems altogether by not fully engaging anyone or any situation that might lead to conflict. 

My growing up years are best defined by the book I buried myself in.  I hid so much of my life within the reading that I did.  My mom used to call my room "the cave" because when I got home from school I typically retreated to it to read and hide from the world. 

This spring I'm wrestling with this issue in my life while spending 400 hours interning as a hospital chaplain.  At the hospital I am forced out of my aloof comfort zone into a very "present" reality with some difficult situations.

I'm struggling with a weird reality though in that while I'm learning a lot about being present I'm also feeling some guilt from not being present enough with my staff and the youth ministry at my church. 

I'll be honest and say I don't know what I'm doing.  Half the time I'm just one step away from crying or running away.  I don't know how to emotionally deal with a lot of the pain I see.

So you know what I do? I force myself to just be present.  Yesterday I visited a little girl who had been burned pretty badly.  It was a short visit and I cried as I walked away.  Today I'm going to go back and just sit in her room for a while.  She won't know I'm there because she's sedated but I am going to just be present with her for a while.  My prayer is that I will be fully engaged and present with her as she sleeps.  I won't have anything to offer her but my presence. 

I think that will be enough.

Youth Ministry Longevity

I was thinking a ton this weekend about how grateful I am to have had a pretty long career in youth ministry.  Danielle and I were flown out to Los Angeles where I was performing a wedding for a former student.  This was a girl who was part of the amazing core of students I spent time with at Bel Air Presbyterian Church.  She was also in Danielle's small group, babysat our kids, came with us on vacations, interned for me in San Diego and just became an amazing friend.  Her husband Shea is also a great story because his faith has grown leaps and bounds in the last bunch of years.

The wedding was a ton of fun because so many of the great families that I've been close to were all there.  I've done weddings for many of them too and have another coming up in April.  It's like every time I do a wedding out there its just a big party celebrating the youth ministry that I was a part of.

It's been a while since I worked at that church but social networking has made it so that I'm still very connected to many of the students and families that I did ministry to there. 

It was a great time and I'm looking forward to seeing all of them again in April.  

I'm pretty sure that these are kids that I will stay connected to for my whole life.  I like to think about that.

1Chr. 16:11 Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.

So here's a bit of an update. I received my placement yesterday at the Hospital and I'm going to spend the next 4 months working on the Burn Unit.  The hospital I'm working at has one of the only intensive care burn units in Dallas.  This is pretty heavy and intense for me as I know I'll be around some pretty young children too.  

My supervisor told me yesterday that when you are in difficult situations in the hospital it is almost always best to look people straight in the eye.  I'm going to put this into practice today. 

I know that I am put in this place at this time for exactly this purpose but I'm still feeling the panic of wondering what I should say when I interact with people. 

This makes it clear to me that I can't minister out of my own strength.

Ex. 15:2 The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

1Chr. 16:11 Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.

Princeton Pathways Event Feb 20, 2010

I'm teaching tomorrow morning at a Youth Ministry Training event here in Dallas. (yea no traveling) I'm pretty excited about it because it is allowing me to talk about some things that I really love. Technology and Youth Ministry. 

Here's the blurb about what I'm teaching:

A. Ministering to Teens in the Midst of Technology.

The world we grew up in is over. The days of "seeing" friends at school and not connecting with them until the next morning are no longer. Teens are now wired and tired. Always online always connected. There are serious implications for how we do ministry to teenagers who have access to information 24/7. The online world has filtered offline and we have to change how we communicate to teens because their brains have literally been "Rewired" by the technology they are growing up with.

A big shout out to Neal Locke for showing me 2 of the video clips that I'm using at an amazing training he did last month. 

I'm available to come and do this presentation at your church too if you would rather see my smiling face.  Just click on the "Have Lars Teach" tab above  or send me an e-mail.

Haiti: Some videos that express hope.

While we were in Haiti last week we had an amazing videographer with us Ian Robertson.  He did a great job following us and telling stories with his camera. 

One thing that you are not going to see on mainstream media is that right now there is a lot of hope in Haiti.  Last weekend that was evident as more than a 100,000 Christians gathered to pray and fast for the country.  Churches and Pastors are experiencing a greater level of support for the church than they've ever seen in their lifetimes. 

Here's a few videos that will help tell the story:

This first one is from our initial drive through of Port au Prince.  It shows the reality of the devastation.  I put it here to just show that everything you saw on any news channel is absolutely correct.  The city has literally fallen down and so many people are living in tents or makeshift tarp rooms. 

This second video is one of my favorites.  We were going to a village to pass out food and pray with people and I met a pastor who told me "My church is coming"  I wasn't sure what he meant until right across a field came a group of people dancing and singing.  Next think you know several of us were preaching in his church. They had much hope.

This third video continues the sense of hope as we randomly drove by a worship service that was happening in the streets.  People were dancing and singing and worshiping God.  They told us that nothing like this had ever happened before.

This last video is probably one of the most powerful from the trip.  This young man was caught in a building in the earthquake and ended up in a hospital.  After we interviewed him he decided to sign us a song.  "Redemption Song" by Bob Marley just seemed to fit better than anything else at that moment. 

Haiti- Back in the US. A short thought

I'm going to begin working on a Haiti Retrospective piece in the next day.  I thought I'd check in quickly though and just say that yesterday was rough.  I should have anticipated that coming back to the US would have some difficulties.  About two hours after getting back from Haiti I was playing dodgeball with 100+ 5-8th graders.  Many of them asked me about the trip which was cool but I just didn't have the words to express answers verbally. 

I did so much writing last week and poured a lot of my emotional energy into the blogs that I really just wanted to tell people to go read my blog and they might "get it." My brain and emotions are pretty tired and worn out.

I had a great opportunity to share with some of my Dallas Area Network people today about the trip and that was really helpful. 

Still processing, still praying.

How You Can Help Haiti

Haiti needs help and you have gifts, skills and talents that are needed.

Before coming to Haiti I questioned how I might be used here. I knew that I had a purpose to care for people and to tell their stories. But, I didn't quite know how that might work in reality.

Then I met the grandmother caring for 3 kids with no food, water or a decent tent. She has physical needs.

Then I met a little girl who just wanted to hold my hand. I don't know what happened to her parents. She had an emotional need.

Then I met two whole villages of people. They had physical, emotional and spiritual needs.

Today we met needs. God opened doors of justice being done as we used our gifts and skills to step into the role of an advocate for a people. This needs to continue.

There is absolutely a place here in Haiti for youth groups to come and serve. Partner with a great organization like www.adventures.org and come meet needs.

If you can't come to Haiti there are still many things you can do. Get involved with other organizations and send aid. Partner with local Haitian pastors and build bridges. And pray. Haiti will need lots of that. Right now a new spiritual awakening seems to be happening here and it needs to be covered with prayer.

There is too much here for a few people to do. I'm tired and overwhelmed after only 4 days. Haiti needs you. With all of us and God all things are possible.

Haiti: Turn our mourning into dancing

The first thought I had when I woke up this morning was guilt.  I was lying in bed pretty comfortable and I began to think about the tent city I had visited yesterday and the conditions that the kids I spent time with were living in.  None of them had beds, breakfast or a shower.  

We had a prayer time right after breakfast and I began to break down and weep because I couldn’t reconcile my situation with theirs.   I found myself drawn to the scriptures and in particular to the book of Psalms.

 

Psalm 5:11-12 “But let all who take refuge in you be glad;  let them ever sign for joy.  Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.”

 

This spoke to me in particular because I kept seeing people yesterday who seemed to be "glad" in spite of the difficult situation that they were in.

We headed out to visit with a Haitian pastor and as we were driving down the street we saw this:

Our translators told us that what was happening in Haiti had never happened before.  People dancing and singing in the streets.  I shot this video and was amazed at the joy that the people had on their faces.

A few minutes later we went to a tent village to meet with some pastors.   A pastor that I was shaking hands with told me "Watch, here comes my church",   sure enough at that moment his entire congregation began walking across the field towards the church praying and shouting.  He asked us to come to his church which we did. 

Of course when you are asked to "come" to a church in most 3rd world countries you are almost always escorted to a seat at the front and asked to preach.  I turned to my good friend Rhett and said.  "You go first"  Rhett stood up and immediately started weeping and sharing a powerful message.  I had the opportunity to follow him and I talked about the amazing stream of people as they came out of the prayer services yesterday.  Just then Anne Jackson and Jeremy Zach walked in and were also asked to preach.  

I had intended to end this post tonight by putting up pictures of the church we preached at and to show how in spite of their situation and the conditions of the church they are dancing and singing. 

But......the bandwith is dead.  I'll redo this post when I get some more speed.

Needless to say I was affected today by feeling guilty but then seeing an amazing resilient church worshiping and dancing and praising God and it changed me. 

Haiti: The difficult side of providing food.

Today I headed into a refuge tent village with 6 protein bars in my pocket that my son Soren’s class at Bradfield Elementary had given me to pass out. I had hope that I would be able to help people. I felt like I was doing some good at least as I met with the first 6 people.

Then I gave away the last protein bar.....

The 7th person who came and found me had a story about how she was caring for her 3 grandchildren because her daughter had died in the earthquake. My heart broke as she showed us where they were living.

And I had nothing to give her......

We prayed for her and told her that other groups would come but that didn’t provide for her need right then.

As I walked away I was struggling with feeling useless because I had been unable to do much for this village. My 6 protein bars seemed like such  small things as I began to think about all the destruction that I had seen earlier.

Today was the National Day of prayer and fasting. Haitian Christians came together in huge groups all over the city to pray for Haiti. We saw 10’s of Thousands of people coming  to pray.

I think God is doing something amazing with Haitian churches. They are small but today they made a big impact.

The same happened with my protein bars today. Hundreds of thousands needed food. I was able to help 6 and that was it.

I was just a part......

Jesus did something pretty significant once with just a few loaves of bread and some fish. It doesn’t take a lot of resources if Jesus is in it.

Haiti Day #2: Hearing and Seeing stories.

Today was a long day.  We started at 5:30am leaving the Dominican Republic and heading towards Haiti.  After about 6 hours of start and stop driving including stops  all along the way to buy food we made it to the near the border.  Before we crossed over we visited a medical clinic that had quite a few patients who had all had some sort of surgery.  There was some great video shot at that moment of a patient singing "Redemption Song" by Bob Marlie.  Make sure to check out the FaceBook Page for that at some point. 

After we crossed the border we stopped at a medical clinic right away. It was closed today but yesterday there were 6,000 people there fasting and praying which is pretty amazing.  We met a husband and wife today.  She had been trapped in the rubble for a couple of days and sadly lost her two young twin boys in the same building collapse  As she told us here story it was incredibly difficult to hear.  We prayed for her and her husband and he began weeping and saying "Why God, Why?" 

We later met with about 50 pastors to build connections and to see what kind of ministry partnerships they need and how we could help.  The goal was to partner with them and meet their needs and not have our own agenda.  We also passed out a bunch of supplies.  It was fun for me to see the supplies that my youth group families had dropped off at church on Wednesday night be given out to people who really needed it. 

So here we are sitting on a deck after just eating dinner.  I'm surrounded by people who are trying to tell stories about what we experienced today.  It was a great first day and experience to this trip.  I'm impressed with Adventures in Missions and how they lead teams.  If anyone has a desire to come they would be a great group to explore. 

I'm not sure how I'm going to be tomorrow.  We're going to see a whole lot more of the earthquake damage and hear a ton of stories.  I'm not sure if I'm going to be prepared for it.  Really trying to be engaged and compassionate.  Probably should go read some Nouwen.