A couple weeks ago I wrote a blog post about “Peace” and specifically I talked about the need to help create peace during that morning rhythm for my family.  I can say that I feel like it’s going better for us.

I was thinking about the same morning routine yesterday and was wondering about how closely related Structure and Control are. For example I like our mornings to have a lot of structure. It’s just the way I operate. I know that we need to walk about the door at 7:40am in order to do carpool the easiest and not get stuck in a long line up of cars. So I back everything up in the morning all the way to me getting out of bed with never hitting the snooze button at 7am.

That structure is good for me because I value and need it. It’s often good for our family too because we need to know what we are doing.   But what if I have kids and a wife that are not that structured and who have the great ability to “flow” with the morning and make changes as needed.  Specifically,  what if my wife who is more “in tune” with the emotional needs of our kids recognizes that one of them might need a little extra sensitivity  in the mornings? And what if that awareness says we are going to probably not get in the car for an extra 5 minutes?

Well unfortunately when I don’t allow for those changes to happen in a fluid and healthy way then I fall into the world of control.  If the structure and schedule becomes more important than the people then I am teetering on the brink of it being unhealthy.

So just another quick dad thought and challenge.  Take the next couple of days and think about routines and patterns you have.  Think about how they are helpful and conversely when they are not.  Ask yourself the question if this is a situation where structure and patterns are good at what point do they become unhealthy.

As usually too know that I’m praying for dads today. I think that generally a lot of us are doing great things and care deeply about our families.  I write these posts just to encourage us to grow. I appreciate all the feedback and responses I get as I walk this journey with you.

We have been married almost 15 years. Danielle and I have a great relationship but like all couples we sometimes need help as we navigate what it looks like for “Two to become One.”  Adding three kids, a pastoring role and just general life stuff and it can occasionally get more stressful than we would like.

We are in a great but slightly anxious season right now.  Leaving a home and community we’ve lived in for five years. Moving to a new state, community, job and life.  Trying to help our kids walk through their own emotions of leaving behind friends.  And the two of us are leaving friends of our own too.

Over the years we’ve had some great interactions with marriage and family therapists who have generally been great at helping us navigate through our relationship.  But I’ll be honest and say that it hasn’t often been me leading the charge to find someone for us to talk too. Danielle has always been a bit more in tune with our emotional needs which is probably not shocking to any wife reading this blog. Unfortunately, that’s not always fair to her. I need to also be the one with a good relational thermometer who can recognize when it would be helpful for us to have someone to talk to.

So here’s my challenge/thought for today.  If you are a dad/husband you should think about what it would look like in your relationship if you paved the way to getting someone to help when you both need it?  How would your wife respond if you sat her down and said that you’d like to have someone who you can both talk to that would help you learn to communicate better, meet each others needs more and figure out how to better show love?

We have an appointment for next Monday.

Every once in a while I feel like I do something right as a dad.  It’s as if the stars simply align and I feel like I can do no wrong.  But in reality there is very little lining up.  The truth is that generally all of my best dad moments are categorized by one simple thing:  PEACE.

Yes peace.  What do I mean by that.  Pretty simple. When I step into any situation with the family and regardless of what is going on if I can remain peaceful through the whole experience I generally have a great dad moment.

On a practical level here’s what that looked like this morning.  I got up at 7am to make breakfast for my kids.  The first things I heard today were both my daughter and youngest son groaning and complaining about being awake. And my daughter was doing the classic “Lay on the floor and say she couldn’t move” type of response.  I’m not sure I handled it perfectly but I did step in and tell her that wasn’t ok and that she needed to get ready. Then I headed downstairs to make breakfast.  As I walked downstairs I started thinking about peace and how I could help our morning. So that’s simply what I tried to do. I tried to make sure all my words from that point forward were peaceful and peace inducing in our family.

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not perfect. I don’t always do well in this area. Even this morning I wasn’t perfect. But, sometimes 75% perfect is a good start.  I can get frustrated when I make breakfast and the kids don’t like it or when my son complains about his vitamin drink and creates drama about why he can’t drink it down.  But this is an area that I really want to work on and grow in.

As you know I generally write these Wednesday blogs as a chance for me to be transparent about some things I’m working on in my own life.  This is probably an area that I fail in the most. But, I’m really wanting to grow. I hope as you read you will know that I’m convinced that all of us dads need to encourage and help each other to grow in these areas. None of us is perfect but all of us need to realize how much impact we have upon our families.  How we respond, lead and act has huge implications on how our family might experience that day.

So here’s my challenge this week: Tonight and tomorrow spend a lot of time thinking about how you can be a Peace inducer in your family. Plan how you will respond to those situations that you already know will come up.  Think about how your morning or evening routine needs to change in order for you to promote peace.  Work hard to respond in a peaceful way  to every and all situations with both your kids and your spouse.

This isn’t an original idea to me. I heard it somewhere but I can’t remember where it was. But, I think it’s a really good thing for me/us to think through this week.

Every so often we take our kids to a Burrito restaurant here in Dallas. They sell burritos of various sizes.  My boys almost always tell me they want a larger size burrito than I know they can eat.  We often have a bit of an argument in the line and generally one or both of the boys will end up being frustrated.  It always feels like the great “going out to lunch” moment is lost.

Want to know the difference between the smaller and slightly larger sized burrito?  It’s about $.60

The similar story I heard was of a dad who was always frustrated because his son wanted the extra special burger.  The relationship between the dad and son was becoming estranged because the dad wouldn’t budge and was cheap.

So just something simple to think about today. What things are you doing that are causing estrangement with your kids?  For me that $.60 that I was unwilling to spend was causing our lunches to lose a lot of their fun.

I resolve from here on out that if my boys want the burrito that costs just a little bit more I’ll buy it for them.

Our relationship is worth an extra $.60

The last couple of weeks I’ve been writing a blog every Wednesday aimed at dads. This started simply as an early morning thought I had on a Wednesday where I was praying and reflecting on how I wanted to respond to my family when they woke up. It was a good morning of connecting with God while I drank coffee and watched the sun come up.

I am more than willing to admit here that being a dad isn’t always the easiest thing for me. I’m also not alone. The only way that I know how to get any better at this though is to be open and honest with other dads and work on encouraging each other.

So here’s a quick thought for today. I have been thinking a ton recently how I pray with my kids. In particular I think about the prayer time in the evening as they are being put to bed. I’m not happy with how I regularly do this.

I’m probably like a lot of parents in that at the end of the day I’m tired and often I’m just praying for my kids to go to sleep quickly. One thing I find myself doing though is being too short and lacking the proper care and posture as I pray with my kids.

I’m resolved this week (I’m not actually home this Wednesday as I’m at a conference) to be aware of how I am praying with my kids. I’m going to encourage you to do the same thing. Pick a night and mentally prepare yourself that you will be a nurturing and caring dad who’s goal is to have a great prayer time with your kids at bedtime. One thing you can/should do is just lay in bed with them for a bit and talk. Ask them about their day. Ask them what things they’d like to pray for that evening. When you do pray don’t rush through it. Lead through that time and encourage them to think about God and work on having it be not just a time where they are “asking” for things.

There you go. Try it out dads and let me know how it goes. I’ll be doing the same thing as you.